


Whiskey and Bigfoot

by Fictional_Femme



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Drinking, Drinking Games, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 13:16:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20228461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fictional_Femme/pseuds/Fictional_Femme
Summary: Barclay and Stern get drunk and act like awkward teenage lesbians. You know the ones.





	Whiskey and Bigfoot

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to say I got drunk because I'm very method, but really I just got drunk.

This started intelligently. It really did. Well, intelligent might be stretch since he only started it when Aubrey, after a few too many glasses of wine, dared him to make the FBI guy who’s hunting Bigfoot his best friend. Barclay, who had also had a few too many glasses of wine, argued that it would be good for everyone if he kept a close eye on him and it definitely wasn’t because she dared him. And it definitely wasn’t because Barclay was curious about the way Stern had been looking at him for the past few weeks.

When Barclay started to befriend Stern, he was frustrated by how easy it was to forget that he probably would dissect him if he knew who he was. They fell into an easy rhythm. Stern vented to Barclay about the higher-ups who were breathing down his neck and Barclay vented to Stern about the rare humans who came looking for lodging and had less than stellar manners. They started drinking coffee together in the mornings because they were both in the lobby at the same time. They started drinking whiskey at night together because sometimes they both found themselves in the lobby when they shouldn’t have been.

It was one of those nights. Barclay had been drinking before Stern even showed up and, when he joined him, Barclay wasn’t about to back down. Barclay wasn’t much of a drinker, he sometimes had a glass before he went to bed, but that was about it. Except when Aubrey talked him into staying up with her, but he had sworn off late night drunken antics with Aubrey after she tried to heat the hot springs with her powers and nearly started a forest fire. 

This had all started as a good plan. But now that Barclay was sitting beside Stern more than slightly tipsy and thinking about how it had _begun_ as a good plan, he supposed it had turned into a Very Not Good Plan. Barclay could feel himself leaning in closer than he needed to so he could hear Stern talk about his day. Stern didn’t try to lean away.

“Want another?” Stern asked him and Barclay noticed that somehow his glass was empty again.

Barclay nodded, not wanting to test his voice just yet. Stern poured him another glass as he topped off his own.

“I’m thinking about heading back into the forest tomorrow. I got another report about cattle mutilations near the edge of the woods on the other side of town.”

“Another one already?” Barclay said, managing his best imitation of composure. Barclay didn’t mention that the trip would conveniently put Stern on the opposite end from the big show down with the latest abomination.

“They’re getting more common. There haven’t been any sighting or attacks yet, but I’m sure there will be.” Stern said gravely.

“Right, you know Kepler. Hot spot for monsters of all kinds.” Barclay tries to joke, but it comes out more strained than he intended.

“Right, right. Might be Ned cooking up yet another story to get more business, but I don’t think so. I mean, the guys unscrupulous sure, but he doesn’t strike me as the type to go around carving up animals.” Agent Stern shakes his head at Barclay and smiles. “Okay, sorry. I’m not here to talk about work.”

“You’re here for a reason then?” Barclay asks, glad for the change of topic.

“Well. No. Not really.” Stern looks down at his glass. 

“Want to play a drinking game?” Barclay is feeling looser than he’s used to and feels younger than he has in while. Some ill-advised desire to relive his youth is surely the only reason he suggests it.

Stern laughs, which is better than Barclay was imagining he would react. “What, are we in college?”

Barclay smiles. “We can pretend.”

“Alright then. What are we playing?” Stern asks, smirking at Barclay to make it clear he’s just indulging him.

“Uhhhh…. Never Have I Ever?”

“Are you joking?”

“Nope.” Barclay says simply. “My choice, we’re playing.”

“Alright.” Stern sighs. “But this whiskey is not going to work.”

“Yeah, alright. Hold on.” Barclay disappears into the kitchen and comes back with a case of beer. “Will this work?”

“Yeah, I suppose.” Stern says, wrinkling his nose at the beer. “You start.”

Barclay opens a beer and passes it to Stern before opening one for himself. “Alright. Never have I ever… been in a play.”

The game continues on innocently for several rounds. They drink more than they ever have together before, but Barclay has no intention of quitting anytime soon.

Stern meets Barclay’s eyes. “Never have I ever slept with a woman.”

Barclay feels his face go red as Stern stares at him. Barclay doesn’t go for his drink.

Just then he hears footsteps coming down the stairs.

“Hey guys!” Aubrey shouts far too loudly for the time of night. “What are you doing?”

Barclay sees Stern draw himself up straight, but the shade of his cheeks gives away any chance that Aubrey will believe his attempt at sobriety.

“I’ve talked Stern into playing Never Have I Ever with me.” Barclay says, smirking in Aubrey’s direction.

Aubrey’s eyes go nearly as wide as her smile. “I’m in.”

Stern huffs, clearly uneasy, but he doesn’t leave. Barclay hands her a beer.

Aubrey glances over at Stern as though she’s just now considering the possible problems involved in getting drunk with the FBI agent trying to bring them all down, but she takes a swig of her beer anyway.

They play a few rounds and Aubrey drinks more than she needs to, clearly trying to catch up with Barclay and Stern. The next time the turn passes to Aubrey, Barclay can tell from the glint in her eye that he’s about to regret letting her join them.

“Never have I ever,” she intones seriously, “wanted to fuck a crypid.” Aubrey immediately takes a drink.

“That’s really not how the game is supposed to work.” Barclay sighs over Stern’s spluttering, but he has to stop himself from inhaling sharply when Stern finally takes a swig of his beer. Well, that has some implications Barclay was unprepared for. It’s clear by Aubrey’s grin that that was precisely the response she was expecting.

“Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m exhausted.” Aubrey yawns dramatically and downs the last of her third beer. “I’m going to bed.”

“I… I should do that as well. I have… important business in the morning.” Stern says stiffly and stands up from his chair.

“Right,” Aubrey says seriously, “like fucking Bigfoot.” It’s Barclay’s turn to nearly choke on his drink.


End file.
